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Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

I have a tendency to unconsciously appropriate other peoples' affectations, leading me to say things like y'all.

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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

This is another one of those mornings*

When she first woke up this morning, Sophie was all warm and sleepy and I wanted to eat her alive slowly. The first thing she said was: I wish today wasn't a school day so that I could stay home and eat a cookie. I'm not sure why one is contingent upon or associated with the other, and really it doesn't matter because it was just so cute that I immediately offered her cookies for breakfast. She didn't take the cookies, but she did opt for a strawberry waf-ful, Eggo's crack filled breakfast treat. She also asked if she could watch Dora the Explorer (which had been outgrown and forgotten until she watched an episode during her haircut last week) and since I was about to take a shower, I agreed.

Now, it could have been my fault. I really should have known better.

For Sophie to finish (assuming she even begins) eating something, you have to stand over her with a whip and say: take another bite Sophie...I mean it, if you don't keep eating, I'm turning this off...Sophie, you're making me really frustrated now...okay, that's it! Well, I went to check on her progress after the shower and caught her scrambling to take a few quick bites out of her breakfast. For the next 15 minutes, she sang to the TV and shouted out words in Spanish and generally vocalized her frustration that Dora and Boots didn't see Swiper even though he was right there in plain view: He's right there...look...under that bush...RIGHT THERE...don't you see him?'re not looking enough. When I came in to check on her again, she guiltily told me to turn it off.

That's when the morning went sour. There was a lot of whining and what we've come to call pissy pants pseudo-hysteria. At one point she started full on crying and wishing that her dad was there so that she could be at school already.

To make matters a bit worse, her dad was running 15 minutes late picking her up on a morning when I needed to drop off clothes to the dry cleaner. Not a big deal at all usually, but in the context of Sophie's aggressive crankiness, it wasn't great. Once out the door, Sophie started crying that she wanted mommy to drop her off at school. Yes, the self-same mommy from whom she was only too eager to escape moments before. As my arms were full of dirty shirts and coat, I couldn't change my plans and poor Josh was forced to follow along in order to mollify the puppet master. The morning took on a life of its own when we came out of the cleaners and Josh realized that he'd left his backpack at my apartment. Back to the beginning then.

During the walk to the train, Sophie decides that she wants to change her mind and have daddy take her to school after all. Are you itching to have children of your own yet?

On the train, she spins around the pole and sings the following song:

(To the tune of Mary had a little lamb)
Hannukah's a happy time, happy time, happy time,
Hannukah's a happy time,
the best of all of lice
You're probably thinking that this should have made up for everything else, because there is nothing more adorable than a child mis-hearing "festival of lights" that way and yelling at her dad on a crowded subway that he sings it wrong. Well, maybe that's true on a first or even fifth listening of this little ditty, but I've now heard it 9253 times and this morning my ears were bleeding just a little bit.

*My boss is back in the office. Bad.

**None of us can speak Spanish


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