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I have a tendency to unconsciously appropriate other peoples' affectations, leading me to say things like y'all.

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

But what about ME?

Maybe it isn't totally right to express this here, before talking about it directly with the two (actually three, but I'm referring to the grown-up) people it affects most, but well, I'm going to do it anyway.

I've had time since the last mediation session to think about the hot little matter on the table and something occurred to me today (thanks Johnsmom): I'm a part of this too. What I want matters. This is my mediation/divorce, this is my child I'm making a future for, and this is my life that's in question. So really, what needs to be addressed isn't what will be best for John or what will be best for Josh and Sophie...those things will come together...what needs to be addressed is: What's best for ME?

Here is what I want and am willing to offer at tomorrow's session, I only hope that John agrees because, in truth, this is my ideal vision for me (us all) over the next few years:

-We should be finding out this week whether Sophie is accepted into our top choice school in Brooklyn. If she gets in, I think it would be an amazing place for her to start her education and I would really like for her to stay until grade 5, when it's time to consider middle school. This means, of course, moving into Park Slope/Windsor Terrace and planning on staying in the city for another 5-6 years. I know this isn't what John and I have dreamt about, but I think it would be the right thing to do and I think it would be best to give ourselves that kind of pacing.

-In the meanwhile, I think Josh needs to understand that since the intermediate schools (junior high schools) around the city generally suck, John and I would use that transition as an opportunity to get the fuck out of dodge. I think John and I will probably buy a house during the next few years (outside of the city) regardless and until we can move there permanently, we can enjoy it over weekends and vacations. Josh has to be willing, if we consider staying for through Sophie's elementary school years, to move out of the city too if his priority is, in fact, spending as much time with Sophie as possible.

I know, this must seem a very anticlimactic and rabbinical approach to the issue, but if I don't take all of the huff out of this someone is just going to get steamrolled in the process. I don't want it to be me.

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