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Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

I have a tendency to unconsciously appropriate other peoples' affectations, leading me to say things like y'all.

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Love letter to my nemesis

Dear Chocolate,

Our relationship over the years has been a complicated and acrimonious one at best. I've tried repeatedly to ignore you, to forget you, but somehow I just can't let you go. Somehow, inexplicably, I need you and I think that maybe, maybe a liitle bit, you need me too. My question to you is, why do you have to fuck up my shit? Do you know how hard it is to get through a day without you? Why, when I've finally managed to settle into a routine , do you have to come back into my life?

Weeks go by without so much as a peep, then, without warning, you call me in the middle of the night. Or show up at the deli while I'm waiting to pay for my (very low-carb) salad. Why can't you just leave me alone? Why do you have to play with my emotions this way? Is it too much to ask for some space? You know I love you (maybe even more than Sophie, but don't tell her), but I just think that whatever we've got isn't good for either of us. You have a hold on me that's just...well, abnormal.

I know what you'll say when you read this: I have some wonderful things to offer you. I've been with you through all of your ups and downs. No one knows you like I do. You need me like the very air that you breathe. You're nothing without me. All of these things are probably true, but it's time to move on. It's time for you to stay out of my pants so that I can fit into them again. It's time to accept that I'm not the girl I used to be and that you make me sad too often.

I wish there was another way. I wish that we could at least stay friends, but I think a clean break is best. I have to pack you up and throw you out of the house, out of my life, once and for all. It's just too painful otherwise. When I see you around, please understand why it is that I can't say hello anymore. It will just hurt too much. I'll miss you, but this is something that I have to do.

With loving devotion,
I.

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