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Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

I have a tendency to unconsciously appropriate other peoples' affectations, leading me to say things like y'all.

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

What happens when you don't think it through

Apparently, last night Sophie cried all the way to her dad's house and kept saying she wished she'd gone home with me instead. Maybe the trouble is that we just give her too much space to make her own choices. I mean, she gets plenty of boundaries and structure and discipline, but we don't force her to stick to something like: tonight is mommy's night and even though daddy's free you can't go home with him. Why would we? At this point I can't imagine Sophie being anything but the free thinker she is. I suppose last night was, for her, a learning experience about consequences.

Have I mentioned yet how awesome it is that I can now say I am fortifying myself against certain cancers instead of admitting that I'm downing half a bag of chocolate chips while I type this? Thank you crazy science guys!

So, mediation didn't go as smoothly as I was hoping. It was fine, it was amicable, but the sore far away can we (me, John, Sophie) still a bloody gaping wound of a thing. I understand and sympathize with Josh's position so completely that it's hard for me to argue my own. I love it that he is such an involved father and I'm grateful that Sophie has him in her daily life. I certainly don't want to change that or make it an impossibility in anyway, bu if we're really going to try to be in this together, then we have to really be in this together. Meaning, he has to be willing to come half way and meet me (us) in the middle. As it is John and I are giving up a lot of the *plans* we would otherwise have made for ourselves, but Josh doesn't really understand that. Without him to consider, we would probably live a good portion of the year in California or in a foreign country. We would definitely move out of New York City, because, frankly, it makes me crazy and we want the suburban backyard and dog lifestyle. We want Sophie to have access to grass anytime she wants it and the serenity of mind and softer developmental pacing that seems to go with that. Kids in NYC grow up so fast, are so intense...I know, I was one of them...and I don't honestly know if I want that for Sophie. She can still have continuous access to all of the great benefits of NYC if we live an hour outside of it, so what's the problem?

We didn't get very far yesterday. Josh doesn't seem to want to compromise at all and I'm starting to feel a crankiness towards him I haven't felt in a long time. I think the week between sessions will be good for us both, but I still dread the next one now that I can assume it's probably going to be more of the same.


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