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Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

I have a tendency to unconsciously appropriate other peoples' affectations, leading me to say things like y'all.

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

You're breaking my heart

I clean your toys and read you books and put the barrettes in your hair just so, exactly where you want them. I tell you you're amazing. I tell you you're everything to me and that I love you more than anyone in the world. I clothe you and feed you and pay your rent. I shove people around on the trains when they get too close and threaten to crush you or even just jostle you. I laugh with you and we bake elephant shaped cookies together, then ice them and color on them with *the special markers*. I alone can bathe you because I have that special way of washing your hair so that no water gets onto your face (you hate that) and only mommy seems to know how to fix your shirt sleeves just so inside your jacket. I listen to you sing the same three songs in your repertoir until I'm ready to stick an icepick into the side of my head. I sneak you cookies for breakfast and ice-cream for dinner and sometimes, even though you haven't kept up your own end of the bargain by eating your lunch, I let you have a ring-pop after school anyway. I hug you and kiss you until you squeal for me to stop. I make up stories and talk potty talk to make you giggle. On Saturday mornings, when I know it'll just make me cranky and ruin the rest of my day, I struggle to pipe out heart shaped pancakes because those are your favorite. I play countless rounds of Candy Land and pretend to hope you'll be the winner. I make you costumes. I let you wear my lip gloss, even though you're not really allowed. I adore you. I all but prostrate myself before you.

Then you turn around, stare daggers at me and tell me you'd rather go to daddy's house tonight.


Anonymous Lisa said...

Sigh..they make our hearts and break our heart constantly as if thats their purpose in life. Its really hard seeing everything we do for them and then they rip at our heartstrings.

5:11 PM  
Blogger Irina said...

So true, but the awesome thing (I think) is that when you pull away from the immediate emotional heft of it and look at it reasonably, you realize that they're doing it because they trust you (and trust your love) so totally that they know they can abuse you and test you and you'll still be there at the end of the day, loving them just as much.

10:19 AM  

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