Spectacularly Normal

My Photo
Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States

I have a tendency to unconsciously appropriate other peoples' affectations, leading me to say things like y'all.

Email me

Monday, May 08, 2006


I'm up and running at the new address. It is possible to automatically redirect from this site to the new one, which has been happening throughout the day, but I've turned that off temporarily because I need access to the old posts in order to reformat them on the new blog.

I won't be updating on this site anymore. Instead, you can find new posts HERE.

I hope you will all continue to join me.


Thursday, May 04, 2006

So much to tell...and sorry for all of the sap

This is what I found when I came home last night: John had gotten back from D.C. and gone out to Brooklyn Chinatown on his snappy new bike to get ingredients for dinner. Dinner was already made and delicious. John bought me a lock for my bike. He was thrilled that I found a great pair of Jeans, regardless of the cost. He'd burned the first six episodes of the last season of Arrested Development, which I didn't even know we finally had. He asked me to close my eyes, then showed me a screen on his computer which displayed the following:

Boo. Whatever you do, do not click here.

Yes, that is my very own domain, which John registered and set up for me. I have to play with the layout and make it look like something I would want people to see before I actually start posting there, so please keep coming here for now. Eventually, when I'm ready to "launch," I'll probably be able to work out a set-up which will just automatically redirect readers from this blog to the new site. I can't tell you how thrilling it is to have this enormous, overwhelming thing that is my very own. I don't know what I'm doing yet, but learning is going to be a lot of fun. There's also a chance that I can get my employer to pay for coding classes, but I'm not positive.

Additionally, having already said all kinds of wonderful things about John the night before, it was acceptable for me to jump up and down with glee instead of saying anything resembling a proper thank you.
Moving on, I saw my shrink this morning. We're going to try adding Lithium to my Depakote. It's a small dose and I'm trying it out for three weeks to see what happens, but I'm still a little freaked. It's a totally irrational concern, but it's Lithium for christ's sake and that's a scary word to me. On the other hand, I'm resigned. Things aren't working and as disciplined as I might be about the sleep...it won't be enough apparently. According to my doctor, there is no way that I can stay out even one night a week. Every day I should be in bed by 10 and up by 5:30. What kind of life is that? Never mind the business I'd eventually like to have and the baby John and I will make. So for now, it's worth a try, particularly since I have John to look out for me if anything starts to go awry.

My jeans are ready to be taken home and I can't wait to have John photograph my butt, so that you can all see how fabulous these jeans are...and how big my butt actually is.

Something else that I'm really excited and happy about is my relationship with my cousin. I haven't mentioned it before only because it's never occurred to me to do so, but Heather has been a really great part of my life. During the last few months in particular, we've gotten close in a way we've never been and we truly are sisters more than anything else. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes family works better when you get to pick it (or when your cousin picks it for you, at any rate). I suppose it's also evidence that when one door closes, another one really does open, because it was during the crisis with my mother that Heather and I started to understand and communicate with each other on a whole other level. Her mother is crazy too...okay, her mother is actually crazier. I know that Heather reads my blog daily and I know that she knows this already, but the fact is that there isn't a day when I take her friendship for granted and I love her dearly. Now all of you know it too.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Not the perfect mom and proud of it

My cousin sent me a link to an article that I think every woman and mother should read just because it's the kind of reassurance we often need, but rarely come by. It's not the best piece of writing, but the author is really hot, so that's something too.

This is why I really shouldn't be allowed to leave the house with anything resembling a credit card

Okay, so it wasn't credit exactly; it was a checking card. So I paid for my purchase outright. But still.

I finally found and bought the best jeans ever today. They're some fancy issue of True Religion and I bought them at Henri Bendel. I've been feeling pretty sick most of the afternoon about having bought these jeans, because they were so expensive, but now that I think about it, I would have paid as much for the experience of barking "I don't work here lady" at the crabby old rich woman who mistook me for a sales girl while I was waiting for the real sales girl to bring me another size. She apologized, looked at me like I should hop to it anyway, then walked off in a huff claiming that it was because I looked so efficient.

What does that even mean, I looked efficient?

So, finally, my quest is over. However, out of a need to replace balance in the universe, a very fine, unremovable hair or fiber has placed itself in my left eye and is obstructing my vision.

I did manage to read the large neon yellow sign held up by a man standing outside of the store that read: LOOKING FOR WEALTHY WOMAN TO BE MY WIFE.

Everyone has a dream.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

What started out as a post about nothing, but became an ode to John

John has been in D.C. since yesterday. The house feels empty without him. I'm finding that me time often involves some sort of housekeeping that's goes undone when John is home; yesterday it was a sink full of dishes, tonight it's laundry to be folded. It's really strange to realize how much of ourselves we unthinkingly give up when we join our life with another's. It's not a bad thing and it's not a sacrifice and it's different for everyone, of course, but it's inevitable. I know that I always have the option to just hang without John...to break away and do my own thing...but when you've met someone with whom you really enjoy spending your time and with whom you share such a multitude of interests as John and I do, well, it seems stupid to do the same things separately. Which is not to say that we don't go out without each other or spend time alone with our friends. We just don't do it as much as we did when we were single.

The other thing that's weird (but not at all surprising) is that when he's here I think about my life before him nostalgically. I remember what it felt like when no one needed me other than Sophie and it seems like a quieter time. But then John goes on one of his business trips and I'm so glad that my life is not like it was before him. What I forget when John is home is that I was bat-shit crazy most of the time and that carrying a sleeping 35 lb Sophie home from the subway in kitten-heels was no small feat. I forget that the bed wasn't as warm to sleep in and the apartment was too quiet without conversation. I forget how much time I spent on the phone because I didn't like the quiet and how much better quiet is when someone else is breathing in it. When John is here I fail to take into account the more base things like: how hard it is to pay full rent on a fairly small income by yourself. Or buy groceries. I overlook the fact that I would be $40,000 in debt rather than $20,000 if we hadn't gotten together when we did.

There is no way to articulate what this last year and a half has been like for me. I went to a party one night to get laid and I met the one. Now, I don't believe in the one, but shit John's the one. All of the things that I love him for the most are the things that challenge who I am, which, for his edification, includes his sense of humor. He's an incredible spouse and care-giver, a terrific father, an amazing lover, a brilliant teacher and an emotional guru. The last being particularly impressive because his mother and I have often referred to him as The Robot. The last 7 months since my diagnosis have been harder than I could have imagined, but John has lovingly stood by me and supported me and reassured me without ever asking anything in return. When he was sick, he still did what he could to put my needs first; even when I insisted he shouldn't. But that's the kind of man that he his.

A The One kind of man.

So if he happens to be reading this, which at some point I know he will be, thank you John for being everything you are. And thank you for who I'm finally managing to become.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Weekend up-date, including some things I learned about me

Starting the weekend off early, we went to the Gowanus Yacht Club last Thursday under the auspices of trivia night. Apparently Captain KnowItAll didn't actually know that it was a Thursday when he woke up that morning, because no trivia actually took place. We had a fun time anyway and here are pictures to prove it:

As you can see, we are drinking beer. We drank lots of beer that night in order to drown our woes over the lack of trivia. The most significant thing to notice about this photograph is that we are sitting.

This is Uncle TJ. He is the world's most perfect uncle because he is not actually related to us by blood. Sophie picked him out all by herself and she will be the first to tell you that she has impecable taste.

This lovely woman is Johnsmom, also known as Mom, also known as Gramma Lawwa. Here she is learning to use her camera so that she can take pictures of Sophie at the Botanic Gardens the following day.

This is the smooth and cool expression of a man contemplating his next beverage option.

John shows us all up by never letting his attention wane, even after the sun goes down and his belly is full of grilled meats.

We were also joined by dear sweet friend Sonesh, but by then too much beer and hotdogs had been consumed to operate the camera properly.

Friday night we went to Me Bar atop the La Quinta Hotel in Korea town to celebrate my ex's big 3-1. We ran into lots of people, toasted the birthday boy, and got into a little verbal scuffle on the way home that led to my disposing of all the alcohol in our apartment. It was a selfish, unfair move on my part, mainly because it was done out of my own need for control in my life. It was symbolic and expensive and even a bit histrionic, but it was what I needed right then.

Saturday we ran around all day shopping for jeans. I haven't bought a pair of jeans in years and I was ready to go high-end if it meant finding a really nice pair that fit well. What I have learned as a result is that my body is not of this planet because jeans do not exist that will actually fit onto it. It was extremely discouraging and I came away feeling amazingly fat. Fortunately, we stopped at Target where I bought two pairs of gauchos in my miracle fabric: cotton spandex. Now I can feel fat, but comfy.

We also decided that we are going to Greece. Now I have to lose some weight so that I can run around half naked with a lesser feeling of disgust. One thing that is important though is that while I'm desperate for some kind of quick fix, I'm not willing to starve or vomit anymore. This leaves me with only one odious possibility: exercise.

Alas! On Sunday we bought bikes. They are brown and ugly. They are his and hers matching. His has a little Chips style mirror on the handle bar, hers will soon have a straw basket on the front. And I am so fucking stoked!! I love my new bike. I haven't owned a bike since I was twelve and to have just randomly come across these while we were walking in the hood feels like kismet.

Is it too much to expect the bike to solve all of my problems?